Life Wish #10: Opening up a little brainspace
Hello my friends! Wanna feel really old? The election was called for Joe Biden ten days ago, but somehow it feels like months and months ago… Time is not moving at its usual pace for me. I can only hope that the days between now and January 20 pass a little more quickly.
The election seems to have sucked up most of the attention for the last few weeks, but now it’s back to the pandemic, and as we all know, it’s picking up speed everywhere now. Here in Pittsburgh we have been spared the worst of it, but it feels like it’s closing in around us now. No more swimming for a bit, which will make it a little harder for me to feel calm, but it can’t be helped. I took a walk in the sunshine today and that was almost as good!
Talking to my friend Debbie this morning — she’s an independent, licensed acupuncturist — we both marvelled at just how thoroughly shitty the response has been in our country. Like if Debbie wakes up with a sore throat, is she supposed to close down her clinic? For how long? What thresholds should be cleared before she can safely reopen? There are no coherent guidelines on this.
Instead we’re doing that thing that the US really likes to do which is treat collective problems like they are individual failures — each of us carrying the burden of staying healthy on our individual backs, without coordination or leadership. It’s maddeningly stupid and we do the same shit with climate change and we absolutely have to do better.
I mean, imagine what this could be like if we had clear public health communication to guide our decision-making, as much testing as we need, and economic support to make it easier for people to stay home and not become homeless. How many would still be alive?
In the meantime, we’re staying at home I guess. Lookin’ like a Zoom-party Christmas.
I’m trying to continually bring my focus back from wtf is wrong with these people to what can I do, and the answer is always the same. I can take care of myself and give support to the people around me. I can revisit the stories that mean a lot to me, and I can learn from their example — even when people are going through hell, we still rest, laugh, teach, learn, feel joy, fall in love, and make meaning. Humans have always faced circumstances that felt as hard to them as ours feel to us, and have still always found a way to fold it all in together. I can do the same.
What that means this week is defunding that which does not serve me (ENDLESS INTERNETTING) and spending those resources instead on writing, painting, working, cracking jokes with at least a 50% hit rate — all the activities that make me feel like me.
I knew going into maximum news mode around the election, it was gonna be hard to get myself back out, and it is. Even my phone was like, “Your screentime is down 30% from last week but somehow still adds up to twenty five hours a day — get it together, girl!”
Luckily, this ain’t my first contested-for-many-days election, nor is it the first time I have fallen off a good streak and into a less pleasurable and useful one, so I have my tools ready to go.
I re-enabled controls on my computer so that I can’t get into any of my favorite doomscroll sites during certain hours
I deleted all the social media apps from my phone again — except my beloved Instagram
I’m starting another big painting, because it seems like when I have one of those on the go, it’s easier to pick up my gear and get into it — the decision for what to work on is already made
I’m re-instituting screen-free Saturday this week and I’m not gonna fail like I did last week. Who’s with me?
I reached out to a bunch of people I love and scheduled time to chat with them
I’m re-engaging with forethought and planning. I have to be careful with this one, because when I make massive to-do lists for myself with time frames or deadlines attached, I rebel. What works for me is to hold it lightly, and write down one or two important things to get done each day — normally one is work-related, and one is me-related. Sometimes I add some other tasks that I may do if I feel like it. It’s kinda hilarious that I have to give myself so much leeway even inside my own head but it really makes a difference!
I’ve picked the Pomodoro method back up, to help me focus on work / chores / art / whatever for 25 minutes at a time, which is long enough to be engaged but not so long to get overwhelmed. Stack several of those up and you’ve made a real dent in your project.
I’m breaking big projects up into smaller steps — this goes hand in hand with the Pomodoros. If my todo list item is “Write documentation for this big new system,” I’m definitely gonna procrastinate on that until I’m dead. If instead I break it out into small steps — get connected to the new system, play around with it, write an outline, write the first section — those are things I can do in just a few 25-minute chunks each. Much more manageable and less likely to make me scream internally.
Finally, I’m hyping myself up as much as I can — reminding myself that I’m worth taking care of, checking in with myself on whether I’m in a shitty doomscrolly limbo place, and gently speaking with myself to change tracks. Before I go to bed, I’ll think, “Okay, I’m setting myself up to get a lot of work done tomorrow!” or “I’m gonna listen to this audiobook and paint all day tomorrow” just to get a lil excited for how fun it’s going to be or, sometimes, how good it will feel to have it done.
It sounds like a lot when I write it all out like that! But it’s piece by piece, not all at once, and every little bit helps nudge me into a healthier and more alive brainspace.
What about you, darling? How are you feeling after the excitement of the last few weeks / during the excitement of the current weeks? Any habits you can shake up to open up a little space in your brain?
Most importantly, do you want to do Screen-free Saturday with me this week? If so, hit reply and let me know -- if folks are interested, I can send a little reminder email Friday with tips and SO MUCH HYPE ENERGY to get you going.
Lots of love and wide open spaces in your brain <3
Madge
PS: LANKS
I recently discovered COTTAGE YOUTUBE and I am a fan. This gal lives in a little mountain cottage in Washington state and WOW her videos are chillllllll. I really like this Irish lady, too, and her gorgeous voice and the extra-green chunk of land she lives on.
Found this Instagram video to be super helpful in understanding what the latest science says about timeframes for coronavirus infection, incubation, and symptoms.
Over the weekend I did myself a real favor and watched the hilarious terrible movie Face/Off, then listened to Lindy West read the Face/Off chapter of her recent book of movie essays Shit, Actually. The chapter is called “Big Boy Freaky Friday” and I did chores around my house cackling to myself the whole time. Highly recommended.
Binge Mode, my second favorite podcast (after Octavia’s Parables, which was STRAIGHT FIRE this week) is doing all the Marvel movies this season. I’ve only seen a couple of them — mostly on airplanes — so it’s been fun to catch up. Hosts Mallory and Jason appreciate the movies and also roast them thoroughly, with a bunch of sex jokes in between. Two thumbs up.
When I started watching this video of The Keeping Going On song, at first I was feeling cringey and getting strong SNL-middle-school-music-teacher vibes, but after watching it a couple minutes I somehow started to cry? We just keep going on!
Saturday: YES!